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Photo above of Michael and his new book,"The Old Queen and the Maui Maiden,"is now available for the first time in paperback from http://www.lulu.com/ or as a Kindle ebook from http://www.amazon.com/ Just type in the title either place, or just wait a few weeks and order directly from Michael's website. http://www.michaelherr.com/
ALOHA FRIDAY
January 13, 2012
It's Aloha Friday The 13th!!!
SIT OR STAND? IT DEPENDS.
Aloha folks. Now, for some of you, this might be a little indelicate subject this week. So, maybe better you turn away. But, for the rest of you, good fun.
Basically humans have two functions to perform in the bathroom. And the toilet they use generally has a lid that can be put up, or down to accommodate each separate function. Over the years the idea has grown that men should put the lid up when performing function number one. And that women should put the lid down when performing both function number one and function number two. Ah, would that that were so.
There's a lot of men out there, judging by the number of complaints from women, who don't bother putting the lid up when going number one. This results in a wet toilet seat from splash-over. There are also a number of men who do put the seat up, but then neglect to put it back down. Again, this observation is based on a large number of complaints from women who fall in sometime when the bathroom lighting is bad.
There have been some innovative toilet seats on the market over the past few years. Ones that you only have to step on a floor pedal to raise. Ones that lower themselves automatically after the toilet is flushed. Attempts they may be; solutions they are not.
For women who do not want to sit on a wet toilet seat there is a solution. It's for sale thru travel and camping outlet stores. It's a plastic funnel, easily carried in pocket or purse and easily cleaned after each use. It allows a woman, just like a man, to stand when performing function number one. And there are, probably, those who would advocate for all humans performing function number one while standing, and function number two while sitting.
Ah, but there's still a problem. As men get older they find it more and more difficult to perform function number one in a timely manner. Many an older man has wandered into the bathroom in the middle of the night and found himself standing in front of the toilet, and standing, and standing. Perhaps even at times falling asleep while standing only to wake and wonder where he is and why he's there.
Sadly, I was becoming one of those men . . . when I suddenly discovered the secret. I learned to sit down for function number one. No more accidents on the floor. No long periods of standing and sometimes losing my balance from the prolonged wait.
So, for younger men and women (up to possibly their mid-fifties) I suggest that standing for number one works well (as long as they both lift the toilet seat lid. But, for older men, and women, I believe that sitting down for both functions, one and two, is preferable. It's easier on older bodies. And, should a man forget what he's there for and proceed with function number two rather than number one, at least there won't be a terrible mess on the floor to clean up.
Bodily functions. What would we do for amusement without them.
Okay folks, see you next week.
"The Old Queen and the Maui Maiden,"is now available for the first time in paperback from http://www.lulu.com/ or as a Kindle ebook from http://www.amazon.com/ Just type in the title either place, or just wait a few weeks and order directly from Michael's website. http://www.michaelherr.com/ The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the various authors and forum participants on this blog site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the Publisher of Dakinetalk the blog, but they could? ;D)
4 comments:
Make sure your sitting down when you read this! ;D)
Douglass Dunn said;"Another fine, stand-up performance!"
Chester Lau said;"Dear Rabbi & Teacher for a newbie ob face book,I just linked your bank account to Bill Jobs bank account to test navigating on facebook,if connected,email me da 110 percent."
Chester "Unc" Lau said;"Chester Lau said on the blog itself;"Lol,Mr.Herr,I love your idea of one move does for both functions painlessly,too bad I already had this patented in the Nobama patent office,so any time anyone use the seat down function to relief themselves,a penny will be electronically added to my back account:-) we can have a year round 24/7 kosher luau with Tofu pigs & Manischewitz wine. Uncle Chester Laustein
By Anonymous on "Sit or stand, It depends..?" 'Michael Herr' (Alo... at 2:26 PM remeber post on facebook until Google resolves the issue of blog page freezing after someone posts."
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