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| Renowned author Michael Herr is back guest-blogging on this awesome Aloha Friday talking about those silent but deadly noises going on around the world... Make sure and check out Michael's website at; http://www.michaelherr.com/ |
ALOHA FRIDAY
Aloha Folks,
A couple of years back I had a quite minor operation. As I lay on the gurney, a chic shower cap on my balding head and nothing else but some threadbare underpants on my body, waiting to be prepped a doctor pulled back the curtain to my little space and sat down.
"I'm Dr. So-and-So," he said. "I'm your anesthesiologist."
"Oh," I replied, "you're my gas-passer."
Then, as I normally do after speaking, I paused to think. Probably not the best response to a man who was going to put me out . . . and could easily see to it that I never came back. And he probably wouldn't cut me any slack for hitting him with a line from an old episode of MASH*.
Remembering that incident got me thinking about bodily functions. There are a lot of things we do that we pay no mind to, but there are several things we can't control that cause us embarrassment.
We yawn when someone is speaking — minor embarrassment. We cough during a theatre performance. If the coughing goes on and on that can be major embarrassment.
For real embarrassment, we have to look inward. Truly inward, to our abdominal region mostly.
Our stomach rumbles, telling us and all those within earshot that we are hungry, or empty. We grimace and clutch our stomach our actions telling those around us that we have no control over this sound.
But sound is even more embarrassing, when combined with smell.
Yes, we pass gas. Sometimes just a small amount, and so silently that no one can point directly at us as the source. Sometimes so much, and so violently, that a trip to the nearest restroom is required to see if our underwear has survived.
Women, in the old days, who passed gas used to look around immediately to see if there was a dog close by that they could blame. Buddy Hackett did a tremendously funny bit on this.
Passing gas, farting, is a natural activity, so why is it so embarrassing? In a boys' high school locker room it's actually more of a recreational activity. The idea there is to hold the gas in until you can get close to someone, preferably someone sitting on a bench about arse-high . . . and then let go.
While high school boys think farting is humorous, especially if they are the ones doing the farting in someone else's packed car, based on my own experiences many years ago, high school boys cannot conceive of high school girls farting. In fact, even today, the more beautiful the woman, the less likely a man is to be able to conceive of her farting. Just as women "glow" rather than "sweat", so women are perceived by many men as being incapable of passing gas.
So, if you're lying in bed at night with your wife and the covers fly up in the air, obviously it was you who really let one, not your adorable petite wife. Even though she's the one who had the Super Deluxe Bean Burrito for dinner. So say you're sorry, flap the sheets to air out the bed, roll over and go back to sleep. Pull the cloud of embarrassment over yourself.
Okay folks, see you next week.
check out Michael's website at http://www.michaelherr.com/
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