This was stuck in my inbox sent by Donald Trump
LIFE SIMPLE TRUTH 1:
Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Simple Truth: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.
LIFE SIMPLE TRUTH 2:
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, "Congratulations".
But, none of them touch the man's penis and say, "Good job".
Simple Truth: Some members of a team are never appreciated.
LIFE SIMPLE TRUTH 3:
Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in
a Rolls Royce than on a bicycle.
LIFE SIMPLE TRUTH 4:
Forgive your enemy, but remember the jackass's name.
LIFE SIMPLE TRUTH 5:
If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
LIFE SIMPLE TRUTH 6:
Many people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
LIFE SIMPLE TRUTH 7:
Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.
LIFE SIMPLE TRUTH 8:
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex.
A man was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.