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Tuesday, January 22, 2013

"Making a Baby..." 'Chester "Unc" Lau (Source)

Dakinetalks favorite Uncle (Chester Lau)
is back talking about the miracle of being  a surrogate!
"Unc" is a retired cinematographer currently living 
on the Hawai'ian Island of Oahu.

Making a Baby....    This is hilarious!

The Jones' were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Jones kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, Kimo ,a door-to-door baby  photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Jones cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me.. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room  floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Jones.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Jones quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of  his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God  !' Mrs. Jones exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with..'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Jones.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Jones, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Jones leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away..'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs.   Jones     fainted...



Douglas Dunn said...

"Unc" Chester Lau is always a treat.
Outdid himself this time.

Douglas Dunn said...

But of course, ya gotta keep your eye on the photographer, Kimo.

Chester "Unc" Lau said...

It pays to advertise that the Old Photo has a Canon that needs the support of a tripod,now with iPhone or iPads,No tripod is needed,only a lot of Kosher Garlic ice cream

KimoRosen said...

Unc, Love the garlic Kosher ice-cream, don't forget the fried lice and Kim-chee! ;D)

Davis '3-D" Danizier said...

I agree, Unc is consistently at the top, but this one was LAUGH OUT LOUD hilarious, and one of the best!

KimoRosen said...

10-4 '3-D"

Chester "Unc" Lau said...

Kosher Garlic Ice cream for sale,send cash only to this e-address,beats the bulky Canon with tripod support ,n'est-ce pas ?

Harmony Bentosino said...

I had garlic icecream at tghe Ninni-Ku Garlic Restaurant before they closed. It was really good!