"Some good sh-t..."

My doctor told me he needed a stool sample to follow up on some blood work to see if some positive results are really positive.

 A sample of poop is the only true way to confirm. He proceeds to write the paper work and gives me a container to take to the diagnostic lab close to my home.

I collect a stool sample in an awkward urine sample container, it wasn't easy but I figured out how to do it, which I do not even want to write about.

The next day I walk to the diagnostic lab and couldn't wait to tell the technician behind the counter, "man have I got some good sh-t for you!" Back in the day that phrase was meant to mean marijuana, however in this case it really was sh-t.

I go to my backpack to find the container and realize I left it at home, I was freaking out. The woman tech calmed me down and said no worries, just leave your underwear. Of course she was joking, but I found it quite amusing in my hour of stress.

"Cats, cats and more cats..."

I was watching American idol and heard what sounded like many cats conversing outside my door. I went outside flashlight in hand to survey the situation and see what the cats were up to. Looking under bushes, up trees and even on my rooftop, no cats, but the constant meowing of what sounded like felines in heat.

My neighbor comes by to tell she called the humane society to come and rescue the cats. We both search for these kittens or cats and find nothing but the sounds of cats surrounding and encompassing us.

It felt like we were in the 'Twilight zone,' no feline creatures in sight, just agonizing repeated obnoxious  cries of meowing everywhere.

Upon further look, I find 4 different birds wedged in  the rafters supporting my roof. These birds looked like mice with wings. Could these tiny birds be making that noise?

I went online and googled; "Birds that sound like cats,"  sure enough there are birds that sound exactly like cats and sometimes are mistaken for crying babies. These birds are called "Cat birds." (quite an original name) ;D)
http://www.suite101.com/content/grey-catbird-call-sounds-like-cat-mewing-a187296

"Cat Birds" are not common on the island I live on, but did some research to find out they are to be found on 'Oahu' just 60 miles south of where I live.

Next time you hear a cat in heat or a crying baby, look up in the sky, 'It's a bird, it's a plane, it's not superman but rather flying mice that sound like cats."

I finally got back to American Idol with Randy Jackson screaming, "Scotty's in it to win it!" At that point I came to the realization that the cat birds were  more entertaining than American idol.

"Let's pick better enemies..."

Imagine being a man in your early twenties or late teens, at a time when your testosterone is at an all time high, on top of that being in the military and being on active combat duty makes for even a higher testosterone count. Now imagine being in Iraq or Afghanistan and being one of these men?

Compare this to the Vietnam war era, granted war sucks and testosterone is running high for numerous reasons, however when the soldiers were granted furlough they went to town and partied with good drugs and beautiful woman.

Where to our male soldiers go to release stress in the current middle east wars?

Given a furlough weekend what do they do, go to Tehran and try to pick up a beautiful woman in a Burqa?

Our men will soon wind up killing each other if we don't get out of Iraq and Afghanistan soon.

Nobody likes war but next time our country decides to fight someone, at least fight a society with good looking woman and woman who like to party. Let's pick better enemies next time around, maybe Brazil, Chile, or Italy would be good enemies!?

"Somebody still needs to clean the toilets..."

We praise our kids and give them trophies for everything, even the worst kid on the team gets a trophy, because G-d forbid their little feelings may be hurt.

Nobody mentions cleaning ladies making $25.00 an hour, landscapers and gardeners making 50.00 an hour. Dishwashers, bus-drivers and garbage men are making more than many college educated professionals.

The reality is for society to function properly everyone cannot be equal. We need people to wash windows and work in sewers. Everyone in America has this feeling of entitlement.

Everyone is not a Donald Trump. There are many reasons for the downed economy, war, corporations not paying their fair share of taxes, however the most overlooked reason for the bad economy is nobody really wants to work.

Let's quit praising our kids for picking their noses, let's get back to basics, only then will society begin to function normally again. After-all somebody still needs to clean the toilet.

"Stupid Laws..."

If you thought your local city council makes some weird laws, check out the enclosed true laws around various cities around America, these are all true, google them if you wish....

In Ottumwa, Iowa, "It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unacquainted."

In Zion, Ill., it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets.

In St. Louis, it's illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket.

In Hartford, Conn., you aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands.

In Chico, California, the city council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.

In Baltimore, it's illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-story window within the city limits. It's also illegal to take a lion to the movies.

In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.

In Pennsylvania it is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel...however up to 120 men can live together, without breaking the law.

In Michigan, a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.

Last but not least my favorite; in New York, it is against the law to throw a ball at someones head for fun.

Next time you think your local government is out of their mind, refer back to these crazy but true laws.

Politicians made these laws, therefore  I  definitely feel I have the confidence to run for my local Kaua'i county council in 2012!

"Dogs are people too..!"

My dog is my constant companion and one of the nicest persons I have ever met. We travel on foot and bicycle daily doing our chores, errands and routines.

Strangers continually walk up to my dog and start petting her and speaking baby talk to her, most do not ask permission and if they did ask I would say, I would appreciate if you did not pet her, she is a certified service dog and needs to know I am her master and the one needing her services. I am also a germaphobe and do not know where peoples hands have been, once they  pet my dog, I pet my dog and who knows....

My dog is like my child, I wouldn't go up and touch someones child, why do people feel it's proper to grope my dog?

Please remember to ask permission before petting someones dog, next time someone asks can I pet your dog, I will say do you mind if I pet you!?

" A sign of the Times..."

(*Editors note, The Island of Kauai was recently saddened with the sale of a local grocery chain named "Big Save," it was bought by anoither grocery chaiin named, "Times.")
http://thegardenisland.com/news/local/article_fb9acf42-8135-11e0-9346-001cc4c002e0.html

'Big Save' Kapa'a is my favorite grocery store for numerous reasons and feel saddened that Times supermarkets will be taking over the Big Save chain of stores, commencing this coming July. I guess this is a sign of the "TIMES."

'Big Save' has the friendliest cashiers, when plastic was still available for bagging groceries the clerks would double bag me without even asking since they knew I ride a bike, and didn't want the bags to possibly break on the ride home.

I frequent the Kapa'a store since I never buy a lot of groceries at once, there's only so much one can haul on a bike, therefore I made it my business to check on an almost daily basis for red tag specials. There is usually yogurts marked down to between ten to fifty cents, 5 lb bricks of cheese for $1.00, Hebrew national hot-dogs for $1.00, Pillsbury quick bake muffing for $1.00, large packages of cold-cuts for 1.00 and just about any item that may be about about ready to expire is discounted on a daily basis.

I have walked out of that store with retail values of 80.00 that i purchase for less than 10.00. , hence the name "Big Save.!"

I hope Times will keep all the current employees and continue with the Big save tradition of Aloha, community and Big savings.

Hopefully this will be a smooth transition not only for Big Save employees but for the people that considered Big Save their Ohana. (family)

May Big Savings continue with the sign of the Times!