"Your duck is dead..." 'Robert Bitos Gandia' (Source-From somewhere on Facebook)

 Please  welcome back Dakinetalk's newest guest-blogger,Robert Bitos Gandia.
Robert is an avid cook (ono gandule rice) and always laughing!!
He works at Syngenta as a Research Associate.
Robert lives in Kekaha on Kauai's west-side and loves football!!

Your duck is dead

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." 

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.. 

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." 

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. 

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. 

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." 

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..

The duck's owner, still in shock,took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!" 

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."

P.S. Very Funny...

A man was seated next to a kid in an airplane. 

The man turned to him and said, "Let's talk".

Kid: Ok, what do we talk about?

Man (making fun of the kid): How about nuclear power?

Kid: Very interesting topic. But let me ask you a question... Horse, cow & deer, all eat grass. Yet deer excretes pellets, cow flat potty and horse clumps. Why?

Man: I don't know.


Kid: Do u really feel qualified enough to discuss nuclear issues when you don’t know shit??


Hana Hou, (Encore) Shared from Facebook...

"Is there a problem, Officer..?" Obama Da Dog' (Source-Facebook)

This is one of Obama Da Dog's favorite stories...

Is there a problem, Officer

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
The officer apologized for the inconvenience and sent her on her way.
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"Laughter..." 'Bettejo Dux' (Classic Wednesday)

Bettejo Dux has lived on the cosmic Garden Island of Kaua'i for over 40 years.
Bettejo is a regular columnist in the Garden Island news and is the author of the
famed novella, "The Scam."
www.bettejodux.com

Laughter

One of the healthiest things we can do is laugh. A belly laugh is good for the belly.

I have a theory horses put up with us- not only because we feel good on their backs and the outside of a horse is good for the inside of a man- but because when we laugh we sound like them when they  whinny. Do horses have a sense of humor? You bet'cha.  

My leopard appaloosa had a sense of humor bigger than all outdoors. He was full of tricks. He loved to come galloping over to greet me, skim close with a friendly demeanor,  then give his rump a twist and set me on my ass.

Once when I was bathing another horse and Beauregard's nose was out of joint, he picked up the hose when I turned my back and dropped the end neatly down the back of my shirt. All the other horses in the barn got a kick out of that one. I must admit, doused to the skin, I,  too, got a giggle. It started a water fight and everyone got his quotas of  chortles for the day, only I had the hose. It would have made a good circus act.

A handsome Canadian Mounty said, "Always leave 'em laughing." Works for old girl or boy friends, too.

Milton Berl said, "Laughter is an instant vacation." I think it's an instant holiday. A holiday with cheese and crackers and a bottle of icy cold Chardonnay. With sunshine and bird song and a sweet whispery titter.

Once, when I was a little girl, a stern faced minister said, "Think! What would you do if you met God face to face?" Me, the devout non believer, ruined his day by responding, "I'd invite him in for a glass of wine." Sadly, it didn't even get a smile from him,  but the class snickered.

Chuckles  help when the conversation gets  too hot to handle.  Lighten up guys. Cool it.

Another favorite author, Stephen King said, "You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants."

There are grins and smiles, roars, guffaws and jeers. With beers.

There are prat falls, Irish jigs, and kiddy skippity hops. Did you ever think how silly it was  to skip rope? Haven't seen a skip rope in years. We should bring them back and pass them out to grumps. Remember kites? Talk about freedom and joy. A red paper kite, some long string wound 'round a stick, and a laughing breeze. The swoops, the spins, the swirls. The joyful rush of hauling them in when a  squall threatened. Once my father brought me a Chinese rice paper owl kite that every kid in the neighborhood took turns flying.

Another dear friend of mine, Bertrand Russell said, 'Never trust a guy who cannot say it simply." I think thee is better and it's a Bettejo, "Never trust a guy who can't laugh at himself."

Bettejo with her nephew a few years back...

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"Hotel rates, way to high..." 'Obama Da Dog' (From somewhere on Facebook)

Obama Da Dog shares from Facebook...  Enjoy!

Hotel rates, way to high

A married couple is travelling by car from California to New York.
Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for $350.00.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He told the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. He insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for us to use.

"But we didn't use them," the husband said.

"Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.

The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.

"But we didn't go to any of those shows," the husband said.

"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, "But we didn't use it!"

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gave up and agreed to pay. As he didn't have the check book, he asked his wife to write the check.
She did and gave it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But ma'am, this is made out for only $50.00."

"That's correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."

P.S. Another joke form somewhere on Facebook...
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull."

The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant."

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, "What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!"

The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!"

Hana Hou, (Encore) Shared From Facebook...

"An overcrowded Mental hospital..." 'Robert Bitos Gandia' (Source)

 Please  welcome Dakinetalk's newest guest-blogger,Robert Bitos Gandia.
Robert is an avid cook (ono gandule rice) and always laughing!!
He works at Syngenta as a Research Associate.
Robert lives in Kekaha on Kauai's west-side and loves football!!

An overcrowded Mental hospital

A mental hospital was critically overcrowded. The doctor decides to get all the patients seated in one large room to conduct a test to see how many they discharge that day.

At the front of the room the Doctors took some chalk and drew a full size door on a Blackboard and offered an ice cream to any patient who could open the door.

There was a mad rush for the door with the patients scratching and clawing at the door and the handle.

The doctors were disappointed, until they noticed a single patient who remained in his chair and was quietly chuckling to himself as he watched his fellow patients.

Encouraged that at least one patient could be discharged today, the doctors asked him why he wasn't trying to open the door.

The patient, who could no longer contain his laughter, shouted, “I've got the key!”

Hana Hou, (Encore) Shared From Facebook...

"Home sweet Home..." 'Judith Whitehead' (Inspiration Sunday)

Judith Whitehead lives in Amherst N.Y. and was recently caught in
a snow storm. The above photo is a view from Judith's
 front porch,something we do not need to worry about in Hawaii...
Judy has worked in the ophthalmology field of medicine for almost 35 years.

Home sweet Home

Nothing  more scary than getting caught in a “white out” snow storm.  I knew the weather would be bad coming from work yesterday but had not gotten caught in a storm in several years.

 Having to drive with white out conditions that left you blinded except for the lights from the car in front of you, having your car window freezing up and wipers frozen with ice, crawling along at 10 mph and praying the car behind you pays attention and doesn't hit you.  Not much you can do in that kind of weather…if you pull over and stop, someone will surely hit you…

If you pull into a plaza, the snow will bury the car and you will be stuck there…so you trudge along playing soothing music on the radio and talking to yourself that you can make it home and home never looks so good when that garage door goes up and you are safe.  

Hana Hou, (Encore) Shared From Facebook...

"The Food truck revolution.. 'James "Kimo" Rosen'

Food trucks converted from old step vans have become the fad...
James “Kimo” Rosen is a retired professional photographer living in Kapa'a
with his best friend Obama Da Dog, Rosen also blogs as a hobby
www.dakinetalk.blogspot.com

The Food truck revolution

Imagine wanting to open a business and share your culinary art only to find rents for commercial restaurants on Kaua'i are a hard nut to crack and in many cases cost prohibited without already being wealthy.

The last few years on Kaua'i have brought us an array of all wakes of ethnicity concerning food trucks.There are Mexican, Greek, Italian, Thai, Chinese, American style steak and burgers, crepes,and the all  popular Hawaiian style plate lunch, lau lau,shaved ice and malasadas.

The food trucks have taken over the conventional restaurant  as the number one way to open a restaurant on Kaua'i. Kapa'a town is starting to like a ghetto with all these old step-vans converted to food trucks.. There is a food truck revolution. 

Food trucks originally  were known and famous for large portions of ono grindz (delicious food) at very reasonable prices.  Food trucks do not have all the expenses of traditional restaurants, while some pay a nominal rent, others set up on the side of the highways and roads and pay nothing. Food trucks  plain and simple do not have the overhead of a conventional restaurant.

The food trucks I have witnessed do not even have porta potties or  a place to wash your hands? It makes me wonder where the owners and employees relieve themselves during a shift of work. How can a restaurant pass a board of health inspection without restrooms for their patrons and employees?

Therefore one would think the savings in overhead would be passed onto the consumer, as I have witnessed on O‘ahu and many other places.   But they are not. I often visit a local Mexican restaurant  that has excellent wait staff, awesome food, large portions and restrooms, plus their menu prices are less than the Mexican food trucks I have seen on island.

Every food truck I have visited on Kaua‘i is priced way too high with tiny  humble portions of food.Food Trucks in many instances are charging more than a full fledged sit-down restaurant serving similar food items.

 There’s a relatively new food truck I cruise by every day. However, after looking at the menu, it was the same old story, expensive prices.
The only thing that looked reasonable was the kid’s menu; however, you must be 12 or under. Isn’t that discrimination? 

 I understand being an entrepreneur and wanting to live your dream, and that dream may be to open a restaurant. You may not have the funds to open a  restaurant in a shopping mall, or you may just like the concept of food-trucks. However when a burger plate is $12-15 plus tax served on a paper plate with no waiter or restrooms and with  the audacity to have a  rusted lid mayonnaise jar on the counter in sloppy handwriting that  says “TIPS.” This is just insanity.

 I want these food trucks to stay in business and make money and would like to offer  some solid advise. Here's my tip,please  lower your prices, serve larger portions and think volume and you just might crack the nut. 

Believe it or not the next fad in business is fashion trucks, they are gaining popularity in mainland markets. Who knows before long there will be no need for shopping centers or strip malls in Hawai'i since  every business will be operating form a recycled step van.  Welcome to paradise!

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