"The jokes on you..." Harmonic Wednesday's..."

James "Kimo" Rosen and Jeff Wells, Homer Alaska 1983...

Dakinetalk welcomes back guest blogger Harmony! Harmony will be back next Wednesday with another Harmonic Wednesday guest blog exclusively for dakinetalk! Mahalos Harmony you are dakine...

This is a folktale from Iceland, although, I have embellished it and added a few creative anachronisms. It is called, "The Wager of the Wives or the Naked and the Dead." Two wives were arguing in the market place. The first one said, "You wouldn't believe how stupid my husband is."

"You're right," replied the second wife, "I don't believe it because frankly my husband is even more stupid."

"No," countered the first wife, "I can play any joke on my husband, and he will fall for it."

"Well," retorted the second wife, "I could play an even more ridiculous joke on my husband, and he would fall for that."

Back and forth they went arguing over which husband was the more foolish and which one of them could play a more ludicrous trick. Finally, they realized the only way to settle this argument was to place a bet. "Okay, here is what we'll do," the first wife decided, "We'll each go home and play a trick on our husbands. Then, we will meet in church in two weeks to see which of one of them is the more foolish." They agreed, shook hands, and each went home.

The first wife arrived home, took out her spinning wheel, and began spinning madly; but she was only spinning air.

Her husband walked in and asked, "What are you doing? You're spinning air."

She gave him a look of disdain and replied, "I am not spinning air. Can't you see I am spinning the finest linen? I am going to make you a suit which should be ready for you to wear to church in two weeks."

He looked at the spinning wheel but couldn't see any linen. He knew he was having a problem with his eyes, but was too embarrassed to admit this to his wife. So, he played along and replied, "Why, that is very nice of you to make me a suit. I'm sure it will be a lovely suit."

Soon the wife finished spinning and was ready to start weaving the cloth. She brought out her loom and went to work. "Oh, look at this cloth I am weaving for your suit," she gloated, "It is so soft and silky and will feel luxurious against your skin."

The husband looked at the loom but couldn't see any cloth. He knew he was having a bad problem with his eyes; yet it was very strange he could see everything else. He just couldn't see the cloth on the loom. He knew he should make an appointment with his ophthalmologist, but you know how men hate to go to the doctor and will put it off for as long as they can. So, he played along and said to his wife, "Yes, that is very fine cloth indeed. I'm sure I will do you proud when I wear the suit to church."

Meanwhile back at the second house, the second wife arrived home, took one look at her husband, and gasped, "Oh, my God, go to bed right now! You will have to go straight to bed!!!"

He gave her a look of confusion, "What are you talking about? It is still early."

"Can't you see how sick you are?" she cried with great urgency, "You are practically dying." He hadn't realized he was sick, but you know what the power of suggestion can do. He climbed into bed and then knew he must be very ill indeed because all of a sudden he saw his wife measuring out doses of medicine, cooking him chicken soup, steeping herbal tea for him to sip, and even wiping his forward with a cool cloth. Normally, she would just let him fend for himself when he felt ill. So, he knew he must be very sick indeed if she was going to all this trouble.

At first, he enjoyed the attention because he was used to her just ignoring him, but after a few days, he began to grow bored and asked, "Don't you think I ought to be getting back to work?"

"Don't even think about it!" she cried, "If you get up out of bed, you will keel over. There is no way you are ready to go back to work." Now, he knew he must be direly ill because the last time he had complained that he felt too sick to work, she had called him a lazy, rotten bum.

Meanwhile, back at the first house, the first wife finished weaving the cloth. She got out her pattern and scissors and began cutting the material. Then, she began stitching the pieces together. Finally, she finished and called out to her husband, "Look, I have finished your suit! Why don't you come try it on?"

He came over, removed his pants and shirt, and began to step into the suit when she informed him, "Oh, you can take off your underware as well. See, I have sewed underware right into the suit! I attached it with velcro. Wasn't that clever of me?"

He removed his underware and began to try on the suit. "This material is very light," he mused to his wife.

"Yes, I made it light so you can wear it in the summer," she reassured him.

He put the suit on, looked in the mirror, and didn't like what he saw one bit! He knew he was having a terrible problem with his eyes. Now, he seemed to have developed a strange sort of x-ray vision because not only could he see through the suit, he could even see through the velcroed underware! He knew he should just rush on over to the ER, but times being what they were, the economy being so bad, and the fact that his wife was always complaining about doctor bills, (and they didn't even have health insurance!); led him to believe he should not burden her with these problems at this time. So, he played along and answered, "This suit is fantastic! I will be the talk of the town when I wear it to church!"

"That you will," she replied.

Meanwhile back at the second house, the second wife walked into the bedroom where her husband was still lying in bed. By this time, it was already the night before the two wives were scheduled to meet in church the next day. She inquired of her husband,"Who would you like me to ask to carry your coffin?"

"AAAAHHH!!! what are you talking about?" he screamed.

"Don't you know you died last night?" she said in a grave voice.

"AAAAHHH!!!"

Now, he had always wondered what the after life was like. So, here he is thinking to himself, "I'm dead. I can still hear my wife talking. This must be hell!!!"

His wife announced, "I'm going to need your help getting you into the coffin." He was still figuring out the after life. So, he cooperated and climbed right in. Luckily, he only had to spend one night there before his funeral the next day at church. The wife had called the church and told them he had died; and they were planning to hold his funeral during the service.

The next morning she asked one of his friends to help carry the coffin. They proceeded to church and laid him out. It was an open casket. The parishioners began filing past commenting upon what a wonderful person he had been and how sorely he would be missed. As they passed by, some of them were crying, and their tears dripped right on to the man in the coffin. He felt so anguished to see everyone grieving over him and wished there was some way he could reach out and comfort them; but of course, there was nothing he could do because he was dead.

At that moment, the other couple waltzed in, & the man shouted out, "Look at this magnificent suit my wife made for me! Doesn't it just show off my best features?"

Of course, it revealed far more of his features then he realized, and everyone burst out laughing! They were literally rolling in the aisles; and when I say everybody, I'm including the guy in the casket! He sat up, pointed, and said, "Look at you! You don't have any clothes on! I wish I could laugh at you like everyone else, but I can't because I'm dead!"

At first, the church members were startled and shocked, but they soon realized it was a joke and resumed rolling in the aisles! The funeral was canceled, the wives explained about their wager, and it was decided the church members would vote on which husband was the more foolish.

So, who do you think won? Do you think the husband who came to church naked was the more foolish, or do you think the husband who believed he was dead was more foolish?. I, personally, believe the husband who thought he was dead was just a little more foolish than the one who went to church naked. However, when the church members voted, it was a tie.

The moral of this story is that you should believe only half of what you see and even less of what you hear because otherwise, you, too, could end up either naked or dead. Of course, it also depends a lot upon how much you are able to trust the person you happen to be married to.