"Giving up chocklate..." 'Anonymous'

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy chocolate with it instead of dinner?'

'No, I had to stop eating chocolate years ago', the homeless woman told me.

'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.

'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'

'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.

'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'

'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'

The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'

I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and chocolate.'

Mahalo to Anonymous Emailer for this funny guest blogger submission!
Please remember to send your guest blogger submissions to: jrsensei@hotmail.com  

"A Rabbi in over His Head..." 'Harmony' (Harmonic Wednesdays)

'Harmony' is back with another guest blog on this Wednesday. Dakinetalk is now calling Wednesday's Harmonic Wednesdays!

This is a story about a man who had to sink or swim when he got himself in over his head. This story takes place a long time ago in a country somewhere in Eastern Europe. It’s about a rabbi- a very learned rabbit. Because he lived in a time and place with a shortage of rabbis, he would travel across the land visiting all the synagogues. He would preach and help interpret the Torah which is the holy scripture for the Jewish people. This rabbi had a coachman who drove him from town to town. When the rabbi preached, the coachman would sit on the floor, in the corner, and watch. This coachman was very envious of the rabbi.

One night when the coachman was driving the rabbi to the next town, he said to him, “Rabbi, I wish I knew how it feels.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I want to be loved. I want to be admired. I want to be revered for my knowledge. I am so tired of being a nobody. Rabbi, do you think when we get to the next town, we could switch clothes, and I could put on your robe, and you could wear my rags, and then, everyone would think I am the rabbi?”

The rabbi smiled because in truth, he liked his coachman, a great deal, and he was a compassionate. person. He said to him, “My friend, you know that it takes more than clothes to make the man. What if somebody were to ask you a question you didn't know the answer to? It would be very embarrassing for both of us and even more so for me because everybody would think you are me.”

“Rabbi, I may not be a scholar like you, but I am no dummy. Oh, please, let me do this just one time, and I will never ask again. I just want to know what it feels like to be you.”

Now, the rabbi realized his coachman was not only curious and passionate, he was also convincing because against his better judgment, the coachman convinced the rabbi to go along with his scheme. When they arrived in the next town, they switched clothes with the coachman wearing the robe and the rabbi wearing the rags. They walked into the synagogue together, and the rabbi settled into the corner with his heart, in his mouth, hoping nothing would go wrong.

The coachman walked to the front and turned to face the congregation which was now streaming towards him. Right away he could see it in their eyes that they admired and respected him, and it felt wonderful. That was what he had been wanting all his life. Then, each member came up to him individually and shook his hand saying, “Sholom Aleichem, Rabbi,” and the coachman just basked in the warmth of that glow. He wished that moment could last forever, but you know moments like that never last forever. A congregation member , known for his braininess, approached him and said, “Rabbi, we were wondering if you could settle an argument for us. I say this passage means one thing, and everyone else says it means something else. I know that I’m right, however. Could you just tell everyone I’m right?”

At this point, the rabbi in the corner began praying, “Oh, God, please get us out of this deep water. Why did I ever let the coachman convince me to go along with this crazy scheme? If you can get us out from over our heads, God, then, I will be your humble servant forever.”

The coachman, however, played it very cool and calm. He looked at the passage, although in truth, he didn't even know how to read! But he could pretend. He perused every word of that Hebrew paragraph, although, it was Greek to him. After a few minutes, he looked up at the man, and replied, ”This is easy. This is simple. Why, anyone would know what this means. ANYONE! Why, even my coachman in the corner, could tell you what this means. Coachman, come over here and explain to this man who thinks he’s so smart exactly what this passage means!

It was in that moment that the rabbit realized his coachman was wise in a way that enabled them to emerge when they were in way over their heads. And he was humbled.

"We owe the world nothing..."

James "Kimo" Rosen and Franklin Graham in Anchorage Alaska 1999

This blog originally an anonymous email  was sent to us to share  from Chester Lau....

Will someone please tell me what the HECK iS wrong with all the people that run this country!!!!!!!

We're "broke" and can't help our own seniors, veterans, orphans, homeless etc.,?????????
Congress can give themselves raises but NO COLA for all of us on Social Security!

In the last months we have provided aid to Haiti , Chile , and Turkey . And now Pakistan ......home of bin Laden. Literally, BILLIONS of DOLLARS!!

Our retired seniors living on a 'fixed income', receive no aid nor do they get any breaks, while our government and religious organizations pour Hundreds of Billions of $$$$$'s and Tons of Food to Foreign Countries!

We have hundreds of adoptable children who are shoved aside to make room for the adoption of foreign orphans.

AMERICA: A country where we have homeless without shelter, children going to bed hungry, elderly going without 'needed' meds, and mentally ill without treatment -etc,etc.

YET......................
They have a 'Benefit' for the people of Haiti on 12 TV stations, ships and planes lining up with food, water, tents clothes, bedding, doctors and medical supplies.

Imagine if the *GOVERNMENT* gave 'US' the same support they give to other countries.

This Anonymous email was sent to us from Chester Lau who lives in Honolulu Hawaii.
Please remember to send your guest blogger submissions to; jrsensei@hotmail.com  

"Like mother Like Daughter..." 'Susana Summers'

Guest blogger Susan'a Summers lives on the stupendous island of Maui. She resides A 'Shackteau'(sic)within a mango forest, bathes in waterfalls and although no 'Oprah is constantly entertained by the drama of the forests inhabitants, seen and unseen...

I LOVE animals and  always have. Love to have them around me. Love to watch stories of Jane Goodall, Saba, Jacques Cousteau et al.

I had the closest to a child for me in a cat named Chiyono who was born in my bed and died in my bed and my constant companion for fifteen years while men came and went. I now have a new cat, a Refugee  from up the hill who saw a sucker and a good spot and moved in and  would not leave. Well I take a little responsibility for that I mean if Angelina Jolie took in all those Kids, Hey I could take care of One  Cat.

I have birds that I feed, Birdikins the Cardinal and White Eye the Thrush and The Finch Family. I have a Gecko that lives in my teapot and a Lizard that eats honey off my spoon. I have not fixed the leak in my outdoor shower because it is a refuge that cools the frogs  during a drought.

For a little short of a year beginning last summer, I had a pet spider named 'Spidey.' 'Spidey' set up shop in my kitchen. I always  wondered the attraction since with screens and doors there was not  much activity in there. Genetically a Jewish Mom , I worried about Spidey. So I decided I would SUBSIDIZE Spideys diet. At first I was  out there in the grass catching grasshoppers that I would throw in her  web. Then I would find insects already at rest which left the Buddhist  in me more at Peace.

As a Child I loved Aesop's fables and as an Adult. I always look for meaning, Spidey was a metaphor. How Success can depend on where you string your Web in Life. Spiders outdoors had an endless supply of grasshoppers, bees and the like. Spidey would not have had it so easy without me. I had no experience having a spider as a pet but I can only assume Spidey was healthy and had a good life  for she stayed in her web for life when others outside would move  constantly. Every night or so I stood fascinated while I watched her rebuild her web. And she had 9 silk sacs of Babies. Eggs were birthed  in the middle of the night and if I happen to be lucky enough to wake  up on one of those nights I stood there in my nightgown for hours with a flash light and magnifying glass watching Spidey Lay eggs that glistened like little pearls. And I was often lucky enough to watch their birth.

It was a peaceful existence for Spidey. There was one event we will  both will never forget. Sometimes my kitchen door swings open in the wind. I went in the kitchen one day to find a big dove in there trying to find its way out. When It was gone I noticed Spidey was also gone.What was that song ? On the Wings of A Dove.....or was it On the Wings  of Love? I envisioned Spidey on to her next home. And the kitchen and  a part of me felt empty. Until, there after a short passage of time  emerged Spidey from behind the refrigerator, and she climbed onto the safety of my welcoming arm, which transported her back to where she  spent the first part of her life, and where she spent the last part of  her life.

Brought to mind once a story of my mother and HER spider. I was on the phone with her and abruptly she said "Hold On Will Ya".....she put the  phone down and as I listened closely trying to figure out what was
going on I heard her exclaim......Get off my bed you Damn Jackass. UHG !!! My NEW Clean SHEETS !!! And  then the fatal FLUSH !!!!

 Like mother Like Daughter ?Not this Time !!!

http://www.dakinetalk.blogspot.com/ (a blog about nothing and everything. We are currently looking for guest bloggers. Send your submission, 200-300 words to; jrsensei@hotmail.com  

"Find Pleasure in the Small Things in Life..." 'Judith Whitehead'

Dakinetalk welcomes back  guest blogger Judith Whitehead. Judy is a friend who is happily married with two adult sons, she resides in Amherst, N.Y, and has worked in the ophthalmology field for more than 25 years...Read the blog, we all need to be more positive, Mahalo Judy

We are accepting guest bloggers, send submissions to; jrsensei@hotmail.com

It is during hard times that our country is encountering, that we need to reflect on what is important in our lives. Lord only knows there are enough things going on around us that can bring us to an all time low. The country is in financial disarray, we are still sending troops to Iraq and American families are loosing loved ones every day; unemployment is at an all time high in our country, and many families are struggling to make ends meet.

We need to focus on the positives that our country has to offer because it is still among one of the best places to live in the entire world. The freedoms we get to exercise do not even compare to those of other countries. We are able to live where we want to, worship in the way we choose and our children are still entitled to get an education where ever they may live. We have welfare for those in need and unemployment for those who have been unfortunate to have lost their jobs. We have shelters for homeless and soup kitchens for the needy. These may seem insignificant points to some, but think of the many countries that don’t even offer these things to their suffering.

During these difficult times we must reflect on the positive things in our lives; what is really important to us. First and foremost, our good health is the most important issue. Without it, nothing is possible. Those who have had a difficult life because of health threats can empathize. Our friends, and loved ones and our families and coworkers are who bring us the most joy throughout the day. Without them, we would be empty. We still have the ability to seek work, educate ourselves and live where we so choose. If we rise in the morning to great another day we are ahead of the game. Life brings hope, and opportunities may be just around the corner. We need to take time to enjoy the simple pleasures of life; beauty all around us costs nothing to enjoy. We need to not dwell on the past and instead look to the future for hope and opportunities. Positive things can happen to positive thinkers. I am a confirmed believer that attitude directly affects our futures; a “sour” one only beings misery to ourselves and all around us. No one wants to be around a person with a “bad” or a defeatist attitude; especially when seeking employment, that attitude will come through on an interview believe it or not. It may not be from something you say; it can be body language alone. People want to be around positive people, it’s contagious.

Next time you are feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders, take time to enjoy a sunrise, the leaves that are bold and bright with color, a new snowfall glistening in the sunlight, the smell of the morning cold air, the gentle sound of rain on the window, or a walk through the park. Take time to contact someone you have been thinking about and haven’t spoken to in a long time. These simple pleasures can make us feel renewed,
again and can help you think more clearly. When you come down to it, it’s the simple pleasures in life that can bring the most joy. Where there is life, there is always hope for another day; each one better than the last. So we must make an effort to live for today, and not waste time on worrying about what has passed and not what may happen in the future.

"COMPLETE & FINISHED..!"

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words COMPLETE and FINISHED, in a way that's easy to understand.

Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.

I beg to differ because there is.
When you marry the right woman, you are "COMPLETE".
And when you marry the wrong one, you are "FINISHED"!
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are "COMPLETELY FINISHED"!

Much Mahalo to Anonymous emailer for submitting yet another wonderful insight, this time on language.

Please remember to send your guest blogger submissions to; jrsensei@hotmail.com  

dakinetalk wants to publish your story, jokes, memories, heartaches or just about anything that may be on your mind. Send a short bio and photo along with your submission. Who knows your blog could go VIRAL!

"Welfare and jobs..."

A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his cheque. He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent.. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.

You'll have to drive around in his 2011 Mercedes-Benz CL550 and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.

This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have to, as part of your job assignment, satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."

The guy, just plain wide-eyed said, "You're bullshittin' me!"The social worker said, "Yeah, well ... You started it”

This was submitted by my brother-in-law Marvin Gross who resides in the suburbs of Buffalo New York and is an investment counselor. He is pictured above with my sister Linda.  Mahalo Nui Loa Marvin!
  Please remember to send your guest blogger submissions to; jrsensei@hotmail.com

"DUH..!"

This is in George W. Bush's hometown of Crawford Texas, maybe George was the mastermind behind dis one?   Read all about it..

These contractors are installing steel pillars in concrete to stop vehicles from parking on the pavement outside a Sports Bar in downtown Crawford,Texas. They are now in the process of cleaning up at the end of the day and anxious to go home.

How long do you think it'll be before they realize where they parked their truck?

This was passed on to dakinetalk from Chester Lau of Honolulu Hawai'i.   Mahalo Chester...

Please remember to send your guest blogger submissions to; jrsensei@hotmail.com  

Dakinetalk wants to publish your story, jokes, memories, heartaches or just about anything that may be on your mind. Send a short bio and photo along with your submission. Who knows your blog could go VIRAL!

"The Best Legal advise..."

Please remember to send your guest blogger submissions to; jrsensei@hotmail.com  

Dakinetalk wants to publish your story, jokes, memories, heartaches or just about anything that may be on your mind. Send a short bio and photo along with your submission. Who knows your blog could go VIRAL!

Dakinetalk welcomes back guest blogger Harmony... We are hoping to run a Harmony blog every Wednesday and call it "Harmonic Wednesday!" Please enjoy!

This is a story about my mom and why she is my hero It is because of how she handled an upsetting situation. She had just had her hair done at the beauty parlor and was walking back to her car. She noticed it was raining slightly. So, she put on a rain bonnet. It turned out wearing that rain bonnet was a very wise choice.

She had parked far away and was walking along a paved walkway through somebody’s yard as a short cut to get to her car. She had traversed this path many times before and never had a problem. But today, the woman who lived in this house was waiting for her in ambush. As my mother began crossing, the woman threw a bucket of water at her screaming, “YOU’RE TRESPASSING. YOU’RE TRESPASSING!” My mother was in such a state of cold, wet shock, she couldn't say or do anything. After all, she WAS trespassing. So, what could she say or do? The woman was blocking her way. So, there was nothing my mother could do but to turn around and go back the way she came walking to her car the long way through the streets.

As she walked along the street soaking wet, my mother came to a man who was sweeping his driveway. She felt embarrassed to be walking through the streets of our town dripping wet and that she needed to justify herself to this man She explained what had happened . He was very sympathetic and said, “Lady, that is terrible. I am so sorry that something like that happened to you. But you know what you can do? Next time you need a place to park, you can park in my driveway. It is perfectly okay. Just remember anytime you need a place to park, you can park here. But you know what the real problem is? The real problem is all these Jews moving into our community.”

It just so happened that my mother is one of “those Jews.” Her response explains why she is my hero. As she turned to go, walking away in her dripping, wet dress, she replied to him, “Well, it just wasn't a very Christian thing to do.”

The postscript to this story is that after my mother arrived home, she was still very upset. The rest of the family was not yet home, and my mother needed to talk to somebody. She went over to our next door neighbors who were good friends and told them what happened. It just so happened that the husband in that family was an attorney. He offered to write a letter to the woman who had thrown the bucket of water. He didn't write to the man who had uttered the ethnic slur. although my mother had revealed that part of the story as well. These neighbors were not Jewish, and my mother was usually self conscious talking to non-Jewish people about topics that related to Judaism. However, in this case, she was so upset that the whole story spilled out. I realized later it was quite appropriate for her to divulge the whole story because not only was this man an attorney, but he also, happened to be an attorney for the ACLU! (The American Civil Liberties Union)

However, he only wrote to the woman who had tossed the bucket of water. He politely, suggested that instead of throwing water, she could post a no trespassing sign. Of course, my mother never trespassed through that lady’s yard again. Nor did she park in the driveway of the man who had told her she could park. After all, if he found out her religion he might also throw a bucket of water- or worse! After her beauty appointment, my mother walked the long way through the streets to reach her car. She did notice though that the woman had posted a no trespassing sign.
 
 My best legal advice to you would be to post a no trespassing sign before you resort to dousing an innocent trespasser with a bucket of water! It also would not hurt to have an ACLU attorney as a neighbor who would be willing to write to the bigot and explain he should avoid ethnic slurs because he never knows to whom he might be talking.

"The best invention since the automobile..."

OK, I know I'm  dwelling on this thing about Japanese scientists turning human feces into meat, this is my last blog on it, promise! :D)

Jesus can turn water into wine and Japanese scientists can turn human feces into fillet Mignon

News has surfaced with the scientific discovery of human feces being made into edible meat. This may sound gross but is going to be a way to live a sustainable lifestyle without killing.

Will the PETA organization back this new found discovery, will Rabbi's kosher the meat since no killing happens?

This may be the best invention since the automobile or sliced bread.

Next time your waiter asks, "how do you want your steak." and you reply, "rear," watch out because that's exactly what you may get, and if they ask if you want a bake potato just reply, flies please.

" No shit, edible beef from human feces!"

The last 50 years have brought us many new inventions, from microwave ovens,to answering machines, voicemail, Video's, DVDs, digital camera's, the Internet and computers and  phones that can do do just about anything.

You can be shit faced, be shit out of luck or have shit for brains and with a little effort you can get your shit together, and this past week the invention of the century took place, Japanese scientists are now making beef from Human feces that will be on the market soon. This is no shit, well actually it is shit. Do these guys have their shit together or what?

The main question remains for my Rabbi, is the meat kosher? After all there is no needless killing involved.

Check out the enclosed true story (no shit) (actually it is shit) and don't forget to order flies with your Poop burger!
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2011/06/friday-free-for-all-japanese-scientists-invent-poop-steaks

"Don't forget dad..."

(My mom and dad in the 1970's....)

Photo above, Judith Whitehead

(Editor's note, We are accepting guest bloggers, send submissions to; jrsensei@hotmail.com  Judith Whitehead our guest blogger is a friend who is happily married with two adult sons, she resides in Amherst, N.Y, and has  worked in  the ophthalmology field for more than 25 years...) 

It’s time to fire up those grills, gather the family and get ready for that all important day to honor dad, Fathers Day. We need to spend as much time celebrating our Dads’ special day as we do for Mothers Day. For some reason Dads’ get the short end of the stick on this holiday and we need to recognize them for the value they bring to the table as well. So this year forget the” shirt and tie” boring thing, be inventive, be creative and surprise DAD with a well thought out gift and not just the after- thought he usually gets. Dads’ are special guys too and deserve the recognition; so make Sunday June 19Th all about dad and celebrate!!

Artificial insemination..."

We would like to welcome back guest blogger Anonymous Emailer, Enjoy!  :D)

A blond city girl named Amy marries a Colorado rancher.
One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy,

'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows
today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the
cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when
he gets here, OK?'

The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial
insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.

Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and
when Amy sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one right here.'

The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blond, asks, 'Tell
me lady, 'cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know that this is
the right cow to be bred?'

'That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall,' she
explains very confidently.

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, 'And what, pray tell, is the nail for?'
The blond turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder,'I guess it's to hang your pants on.

Please remember to send your guest blogger submissions to; jrsensei @hotmail.com

Dakinetalk wants to publish your story, jokes, memories, heartaches or just about anything that may be on your mind. Send a short bio and photo along with your submission. Who knows your blog could go VIRAL!

"Market survey for county council, complete..."‏

Politics is a nasty crude and rough game. I have been toying with the idea of a possible run for a county council seat on the island of Kaua'i, where I reside. Market analysis and market surveys are very expensive therefore for feelers I have a few signs and t-shirts with my name for county council.

It is customary to get a honk when someone is in agreement with a sign you are holding on various well trafficked streets. Campaigning all day, I got 3 honks, and all from people I knew.

I also recently got run of the side of the rode on my bike, maybe deliberate, maybe not?

My market survey is completed much earlier than I anticiapated, I am dropping out of the race for many reasons, The number one reason is my health, after consulting with my doctor he actually said, "I am in no physical or mental state." and he feels it's a big mistake to run.

I thank everyone who may have supported me, however at this time I value my life and health more than a possible run for county council.


Aloha and  A Hui Hou,
James "Kimo" Rosen

"They shoot horses, don't they..?"

"Council scratches cat resolution," a feature story recently posted in The Kauai Garden Island News talks about the county council not being able to make up their minds on what to do with the feral cat overpopulation problem with breeding out of control and shelving the issue for the time being. http://thegardenisland.com/news/local/govt-and-politics/article_677905e2-97f4-11e0-b89b-001cc4c002e0.html?mode=story

I agree with county attorney Al Castillo who said,"We can do trap and neuter, but to do TNR would be actively releasing a predator.”

If the county of Kaua'i is on probation for Shearwaters and other endangered sea-birds dive bombing into lights, we need to be careful, re-releasing feral cats, they are a danger to all birds and since Kaua'i county gets a fine of $10,000 for each dead shearwater sea-bird it's time to do what's pono, after-all "they shoot horses don't they?"

"Senior Texting Code..."

 

Since seniors are texting and tweeting more and more, there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code).
· ATD ~ At The Doctor's
· BTW ~ Bring The Wheelchair
· BYOT ~ Bring Your Own Teeth
· CBM ~ Covered By Medicare
· CUATSC ~ See You At The Senior Center
· DWI ~ Driving While Incontinent
· FWB ~ Friend With Beta Blockers
· FWIW ~ Forgot Where I Was
· FYI ~ Found Your Insulin
· GGPBL ~ Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
· GHA ~ Got Heartburn Again
· IMHO ~ Is My Hearing-Aid On?
· LMDO ~ Laughing My Dentures Out
· LOL ~ Living On Lipitor
· LWO ~ Lawrence Welk's On
· OMMR ~ On My Massage Recliner
· OMSG ~ Oh My! Sorry, Gas!
· ROFL-CGU ~ Rolling On The Floor Laughing-Can't Get Up
TTYL ~ Talk To You Louder
· WAITT ~ Who Am I Talking To?
· WTFA ~ Wet The Furniture Again
· WTP ~ Where's The Prunes?
· WWNO ~ Walker Wheels Need Oil
· GGLKI ~ Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
· NCDCWPH ~ Never confuse denture cream with preparation H...

Please remember to send your guest blogger submissions to; jrsensei@hotmail.com

dakinetalk wants to publish your story, jokes, memories, heartaches are just about anything that may be on your mind. Send a short bio and photo along with your submission. Who knows your blog could go VIRAL!

"Watch Where You Sit..."

I would like to welcome another guest blogger to 'dakinetalk.' Harmony,'like 'Madonna' and 'Cher' likes to be known by her first name only...Harmony was one of the first people I met in Hawai'i and we have stayed friends since meeting back in 1999.
'Harmony' lives in Makakilo, above Kapolei, on Oahu. She is pursuing her masters degree in psychological counseling at Chaminade University. She is also a massage therapist. She is not planning to host anymore Naturist parties in the near or far future.

'Harmony' calls  the enclosed photo of herself  'Peacock in Paradise.' "Her favorite outfit is panties, a t-shirt, and socks which she is wearing in this picture.

I used to belong to a nudist group. It was called the Hawai'i Naturist Society, and they believed that nudity was healthy and wholesome. It was not about sexual attraction. Rather, this was a family oriented organization, and it was OK to bring your children to the gatherings. Their philosophy was that nudity was about body acceptance. It didn't matter if you were old or fat or ugly. All were welcome. We even had one member named Bo who we considered to be our mascot because she was brave enough to attend our parties with only one breast because she had had a mastectomy.

You might be wondering where a nudist group would meet. Unfortunately, there were no nude beaches we could frequent without risk of getting arrested. Nudist groups generally cannot meet in public places. There was one exception when we were able to rent a miniature golf course and had it to ourselves. Usually, however, the only place we could meet was at members’ homes.

If you are attending a nude party in someone’s home, the proper etiquette is to bring a towel to sit on. I mean just think if you were hosting a nude party, you wouldn't want a bunch of nude people sitting on your furniture!?

I had always wanted to host a party but couldn't because I was married then, and my husband wasn't into nudity. He would be very uncomfortable with a bunch of nude people parading through his home. He was even uncomfortable with clothed people parading through his home! So, it was out of the question- until the weekend when he went away to Las Vegas, and it just so happened that the Hawaii Naturist Society was looking for a place to meet!

I was so excited to be able to finally host a party. Many guests arrived with their towels. Soon my couches and chairs had filled up, and people were sitting on the floor. I was walking amidst the guests serving pupus when for some reason, I tripped and fell backwards and landed sitting on the head of a man who was seated on the floor! I was so embarrassed I must have repressed the moment because I don’t clearly remember what happened next. I think everyone was too shocked to react. I’m guessing my first reaction was to jump up really fast!

I don’t believe the members held it against me because shortly after that incident, they elected me president! Another good thing that came out of this came about because Red-book Magazine featured a monthly column called “Was My Face Red” where readers wrote in about their most embarrassing experiences They published my story! So, as a result of sitting on someone’s head, I became a published writer!

A funny thing happened next. I let my husband read the article. I hadn't told him about the incident. I had told him I was hosting a nude party when he was in Vegas, and he was OK with that. But I hadn't told him I fell on a guy’s head. When he read the story, he was so shocked that his first reaction was to grab me and make mad, passionate love! I guess it was his way of reclaiming me after sitting on someone else’s head. My advice to you is if you ever attend a nude party, and especially if there are people sitting on the floor, watch where you sit!

Please remember to send your guest blogger submissions to;  jrsensei@hotmail.com

Dakinetalk wants to publish your story, jokes, memories, heartaches or just about anything that may be on your mind. Send a short bio and photo along with your submission. Who knows your blog could go VIRAL!

"Jewish comedians of the past..."

(editors note, since writers block has crept again, please enjoy the following jokes by Jewish comedians making fun of their own race. Just like a black man can call another black man the "N" Word, so can a Jewish person blog about Jewish jokes...) Again I wish I wrote this but it was submitted by that famous Chinese guy, Anonymous.

Please remember to send your guest blogger submissions to; jrsensei@hotmail.com
dakinetalk wants to publish your story, jokes, memories, heartaches are just about anything that may be on your mind.  Send a short bio and photo along with your submission. Who knows your blog could go VIRAL!

You may remember the old Jewish Catskill comics of Vaudeville days:

Shecky Greene, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Joey Bishop, Milton Berle, Jan Murray, Danny Kaye, Henny Youngman, Buddy Hackett, Sid Caesar, Groucho Marx, Jackie Mason, Victor Borge, Woody Allen, Joan Rivers,

Lenny Bruce, George Burns, Allan Sherman, Jerry Lewis, Peter Sellers, Carl Reiner, Shelley Berman, Gene Wilder, George Jesse ,Alan King, Mel Brooks, Phil Silvers, Jack Carter, Rodney Dangerfield, Don Rickles, Jack Benny.

And there was not one single swear word in their comedy. Here are a few examples:

· I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

· I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years! If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!

· What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"

· Someone stole all my credit cards but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

· We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

· My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night; only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

· My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea .

· She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That's only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

· The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill so the doctor gave him another six months.

· The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"

· The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.

· There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.

· Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us. We won. Let's eat.

· Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said, Lady, I haven't eaten in three days, force yourself, she replied.

Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!"
Patient: "I am 60!"
Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"

Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears."Doctor: "Don't answer!"

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking."
The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."

Q: Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?
A: They're worth it.

Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!

Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody.

Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that Isn't 20% off.

A man called his mother in Florida , Mom, how are you?
Not too good,said the mother. I've been very weak.
The son said, Why are you so weak?
She said, Because I haven't eaten in 38 days.
The son said, That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?
The mother answered, Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call.

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play.
She asks, What part is it?
The boy says, I play the part of the Jewish husband.
The mother scowls and says, Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.

Robin Williams, Billy Crystal, Ben Stiller, Adam Sandler, Jerry Seinfeld, & so many others are still carrying on the tradition... L'chayim! To Life!~

"Just another tourist..."‏

Diana LaRussa aka F. Karimah lives in Louisiana and works as a seamstress. She has traveled the globe and has managed raising 4 children along the way. Diana was my high school sweetheart. Diana is dakinetalk's first guest blogger.  Send your guest blogs to; jrsensei@hotmail.com    if  you would like to express a story, memory, joke or just wish to share anything, that's dakine!

My wanderlust began back in 1974 when I graduated from high school. My boyfriend (James "Kimo" Rosen, yes that James "Kimo" Rosen) and I decided to sight-see in the US, Canada and Mexico using an Ameripass from Greyhound bus. When I told my parents that we were going on this adventure  (notice I said"told'), the only thing my father said to us was, “don't get her pregnant!”. Well, that's about the only thing that didn't happen on this trip!

To make a very adventurous two month story fit into the guest blog addition, I will explain the photograph that I took last week in New Orleans. (photo above)

After much frolicking around on our trip, doing everything we could possibly do in as many places as we could do them in, we landed in the French quarters of New Orleans, starving, dirty and broke. We found jobs cleaning, restocking the Hot-dog wagons as well as selling weiners.

At the time, it meant a place to bed down (we lived in the loft above the place the weiner wagons were stored each night). We had been sleeping on the floor in a New Orleans hostel (called the "Head-Inn") and were given the bathtub to sleep in since they were overbooked!! (haha) Wow, a place to shower! It meant money because we earned a  small percentage from each hot dog sold. Food-well, we had to pay for the Hot-dogs but not the buns-we ate buns by the tonnes.

Some of the walk-bys that were regulars on Bourbon street where we worked were transvestites. I had gay friends in High-school therefore this wasn't shocking to me. How I knew this was that when the 'guys' were looking for paying customers (IE:walking alone) they spoke in male voices but once they strolled by us with a customer, they had very female voices. Back and forth they went-they knew us as 'the ones who had the weiner cart' so they were friendly. I remember one had told us to 'fleece' the customers for their change. The customers were so drunk that they wouldn't notice anything missing.

The night-clubs across from us had girls on swings who had pasties on. The doors would get flung open for potential customers to get a quick look at the girls who had each 'breast swinging pastie' going in opposite directions!! This a trick I figured my boyfriend would love to see me do in our little cubbyhole above the weiner wagons. alas, I was too tired at the end of the day to even think about 'preforming'. After-all, we cleaned all of the carts each night to earn money to continue on the adventure of our celebration that high school was over.

We fled from this hot dog haven when we got word one night that the owner of the carts had been shot dead selling hot-dogs just down the street from where we sold. I don't even think we waited to get this verified as we had seen so much 'on the streets' by then, that this could have only been how it was supposed to end for us in the French quarters of New Orleans.

All this came rushing back to me as I took this picture last week,(above) I chuckled when I took the picture, the guy behind the cart probably figured I was 'just another' tourist.

I think I was much more than "Just another tourist," don't you?

"Welcome to the wonderful world of flip flopping hypocrites..."

(Editors note, for those not living on Kauai, just substitute your own local politicians names in  lieu of the names I have used and you will understand the basic story line.  Aloha)

The Hippocratic Oath is an oath historically taken by doctors swearing to practice medicine ethically, the 'hypocrite oath' is when a politician pretends to have admirable principles, beliefs or feelings yet behaves otherwise. (obviously that's my own definition)

Kipukai Kualii the newest Kaua'i county council-member who recently replaced Derek Kawakami is a fast learner in the wonderful world of hypocritical oaths and shrewd politics. Reading Saturdays 'LTE' section there was a letter titled," Councilman rebuts mayors explanations," I was surprised to see Kipukai as the author, I thought it was going to say councilman Mel Rapozo.
http://thegardenisland.com/news/opinion/mailbag/article_8a05b8d4-93fe-11e0-bbc7-001cc4c002e0.html?mode=story
I quote Kipukai, "Yet, it indeed is very personal for me when it comes to being committed to and entirely passionate about serving the people and doing what’s right."

Why then did Kipukai vote "Aye" to approve the Mayor's budget and leave councilman Rapozo all alone with his soul vote of Nay?

I watched the meeting via live stream on the Internet by observation Kipukai was definitely challenging the mayor's budget, yet voted along with the majority. Mr. Kualii was afraid to vote with his heart, instead sold out to Jay, Dickie,Tim,Nadine and Joanne aka the good ole boys and girls...

Mel Rapozo has gone through hell and back in the political arena on this island, however I believe Mel has matured tremendously over the years and has unanimously become the people's choice councilman. Councilman Rapozo voted the way Kipukai is making you believe he voted. Mr. Rapozo voted the way I believe the majority of people on this island would had voted.

Councilman Kualii welcome to the wonderful world of flip flopping hypocrites and know that you fit right in with 'da best of dem'(sic)

Do I hear a second for Mel Rapozo as Mayor of the cosmic Garden island in 2014!?

Entertainment night at the senior center

(Editors note, writers block has creeped in, therefore here is another anonymous email I received, Although I would like to take credit for the enclosed, it was written by my friend anonymous. Enjoy)

It was entertainment night at the Senior Center. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth on it's chain while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch. . .."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"SH*T!" uttered the Hypnotist instinctively.

It took three days to clean up the Senior Center. Claude was never invited back to entertain.

"J.D.S..." (Jackass Disorder syndrome)

Everybody is something, nobody takes responsibility for their actions these days. Your either bi-polar, A.D.D. PTSD, manic, depressed or have one or more of the hundreds of phobias diagnosed by modern psychologists.

You may even have an addiction to sex, an excuse for being a sexual pervert, or you may have an addiction to fast food and that's your excuse for being fat.

All of America is either mentally ill or addicted to something.

Recently in Honolulu Hawaii, A preacher's son went on a shooting rage on a local highway, he got out of his car and for no apparent reason shot 8 people , one died, 2 others are still in the hospital and five people were shot but not injured.
http://www.staradvertiser.com/news/breaking/Church_members_friends_show_up_at_shooting_suspects_hearing.html

Many are calling this man a victim and that he is mentally ill and needs help. What about the real innocent victims and the families of those who were shot?

I believe you can make an excuse of a mental disorder for all your wrong doings, sometimes people can just be jerks and plain evil, it's time we stopped rationalizing the demons of evil people and bring back chain gangs and the death penalty.

The United States needs to get tougher on crime, since before long every criminal will be diagnosed with some sort of disorder, how about the disorder of being a Jackass, how about calling it J.D.S. (Jackass Disorder Syndrome) throw away the Prozac and treat it with the electric chair.

"A simple crosswalk to avoid future liabilities..."

(Editors note;
A new bridge was just completed to make traffic flow more efficiently, however there is no crosswalk!)
 http://thegardenisland.com/news/local/article_7ef5e2f4-8c1d-11e0-aa0b-001cc4c002e0.html

Finally the new Wailua bridge and pedestrian way is open to the public, however the D.O.T. neglected to put in a crosswalk at the intersection of Wailua boat harbor, the entrance to Smiths Paradise Luau's.

It was impossible to cross Malka bound at the end of the new Wailua bridge pedestrian lane near the Ashton beach resort during last Sundays taste of Hawaii. I saw a few people almost get run over.

I spoke to the two young officers conducting traffic and there only reply was start writing letters. Please Department of Transportation send your engineer down there and take action, before someone loses there life.

A simple crosswalk would without a reasonable doubt be the best investment to avoid future liabilities, please install a crosswalk immediately.

"Just beware of flying drunks..!"

I used to be an advocate of the Honolulu rail project, at the projects first inception there was not a major recession happening.

Daily one can read letters to the editor about the controversial rail system, although it was voted on by the people, my guess is that with the economic stresses many have changed their minds to the project.

The rail as planned now will be a dinosaur by the time it is completed and reality may well be technology will have us flying in Jetson type electric flying cars and buses. This will eliminate most traffic on the road, just beware of flying drunks.

"Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda..." (from an anonymous email)

(Editors note, the enclosed is from one of those many forwards you receive in your email box, I did not write the enclosed but feel it is right on and wish I had written it.)

If you had purchased $1,000 in shares of Delta Airlines stock one year ago, you would have $49 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 in shares of AIG one year ago, you would have $33 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 in shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have absolutely nothing today.

But if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for a recycling refund, you would receive $214 today.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg. A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!

Makes you damned proud to be an American

"Stay cool, don't be a fool!"

Swimming, snorkeling, surfing and an array of different water-sports are one of the many ways to stay cool and get some needed exercise in a tropical climate.

Another favorite way to cool off is to go shopping in an ice cold air-conditioned store or grab some grinds at your favorite bistro.

The recession has hit hard on the cosmic garden island of Kauai with the highest kilowatt per second charge for electricity in America. Business's are tightening their belts with either no air conditioning or run their ac units on the fan only setting.

The Kaua'i bus is a sure way to  beat the heat too, they run their air conditioners on the coldest and iciest settings which guarantee your ice cream stays frozen on the ride home from the grocery store.

If you are too tired to swim and need to cool off spend $25.00 a month for unlimited travel on da Kaua'i Bus, or buy a bus pass in whatever city you live and go for a ride to nowhere, go for a joy ride on your local bus, not much fuss, stay cool, don't be a fool, ride the bus!

"Quit whining about your weiner..!"

Weiner is a very popular Jewish name, as a child i remember Herbie Weiner, the famous local kosher caterer that catered all the Bar Mitzvah's and weddings of all the prominent Jewish families in western New York, where I was reared (no pun intended) as a child. There were also 2 Weiner brothers I played with as a child, however they always insisted there name be pronounced as Winer Although it was spelled 'weiner.'

New York Democratic Congressman Anthony Weiner a liberal has inspirations of becoming the mayor of New York city. Weiner says he’s the victim of a hacker who sent out a “gag photo...”  :D)

Weiner absolutely and positively denies allocations this past week of Tweeting the crotch photo and says he has never met or spoken with the voluptuous female who received it. The wahine (woman in Hawaiian) says the same thing.

It's somewhat ironic that a guy named Weiner is being accused of sending a photo of his Weiner out all over the social networking sites, he denies it and says somebody hacked into his account and sent the photo of the congressman's private parts.

I am sure he was teased as a kid having the last name of Weiner, imagine being called weiner as a little boy? I am sure hew was teased on a daily basis about his sir name.

If only this man was smart enough to tell people his name was pronounced Winer, just as my Weiner friends did as a child.

Imagine if Anthony (Toni) Weiner had been named Richard (Dick) or Harold (Harry)? Although the media is trying to make something out of this escapade it is to comical to be taken serious, and for Peters (Peter, that's another play on words) sake if Mr. Weiner can help New York and be a good mayor who cares what he does with his Weiner, unless of course your a Whiner? Then again if this man has not told people to call him Winer in lieu of Weiner, maybe he isn't smart enough to mayor of New York?

The moral of this story is that the congressman needs to quit whining about his 'Weiner' and be thankful his parents didn't name him Harry or Dick.

 Stay tuned for  the nex blog about Senator Michael  "Mike"  Hunt!  ;D)

"The bridge over troubled waters..."

Last Tuesday, June 2, 2011, the new Bryan Baptise bridge had a dedication ceremony during peak lunch rush hour after a three day holiday Memorial day weekend which had traffic at a standstill from Kealia beach to the new Wailua bridge. (approximately 4 miles of standstill traffic...)

We all suffered stress and headaches with major traffic jams for 4 long weeks when the Kapa'a bi-pass road was closed, now to have a bridge ceremony during peak lunch hour is some of the worst planning ever. Talk about the bridge over troubles waters, Kaua'i county wins by a landslide.

I would like to quote one of the many comments which appeared with the TGI online story;"Mayor Baptise memorial bridge dedicated."
http://thegardenisland.com/news/local/article_7ef5e2f4-8c1d-11e0-aa0b-001cc4c002e0.html

"Holding a blessing and dedication ceremony in the day when commuting is at its peak is absurd. For what? Posing, stroking of egos with government and political puppets patting each other on the back is unnecessary to say the least. Hold the dedication when traffic is less severe...even if it is at night! What's so wrong with that? Oh, that's right. No one can see the dog and pony show if its dark! That bridge has brought us nothing but headaches. Just get the darned thing over with!"

I talked to a friend who was on the bus from Friendship house to her final destination of Walmart and it took a little over 2 hours for a 11 mile bus ride that usually takes, 25 minutes.

Politicians need some sort of political education before taking office, Lawyers must pass a very difficult bar exam and Doctors must intern and serve a residency on top of 8 years of school before being set free to practice on the public.

In contrast the only requirement to be a local county council person or even run for mayor is to reside in the county for at least 2 years, be at least 18 years of age and if you ever had a felony conviction you must have received final discharge from your crime. A person can be a high school dropout, or someone with no business experience or people skills or someone who with a felony conviction that has been dropped.

This major traffic catastrophe could had been so easily avoided, one way to help avoid this type of insanity in the future is to start by changing the minimum requirements to run for public office and stop making elections a popularity contest but rather look at it as we are the employer looking for the best person to manage our company and make money.

Whoever set the schedule for the bridge dedication needs to heed the words of Donald Trump, "Your fired.!"

"Whatchamacallit, It's your turn..."

Aloha Everyone,

This is blog #301, for the first 300 I wrote about anything that came to mind.

I am hoping to change the format of this blog by encouraging all of you to submit your own  editorials and we will publish under the blog title of 'dakine talk,' 'dakine' in Hawaiian  pidgin mean anything, it's like using the word whatchamacallit.

Please submit your personal thoughts, stories, feeling or whatsoever on your mind, you never know It may be published in dakine-talk!

send all your submissions to;
jrsensei@hotmail.com